A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterady. You've written some great stuff.
Like many, anger was a controlling factor in my life until just recently (not that I'm "cured" by any means, butI've made more progress in the last 4 months than in the last 4 years).
For me, anger is a generational curse, and it has damaged my marriage to the point it teeters on the brink of destruction.
Lots more to say, but need to get back to work for now.
In your first post, you mentioned unforgiveness as one of the root causes of anger. That was true in my case.
I had anger problems before, to the point that my family walked on eggshells, never knowing what little, seemingly innocent thing would set me off next. Things got worse and worse, then events transpired about 2 years ago that finally began to wake me up to the problem I had with anger, and the damage it had done to my family.
Unfortunately, the events that woke me up also served to anger me, and it festered and grew into unforgiveness and bitterness.
A counselor once told my wife and I, in regards to my anger, that a leopard cannot change his spots. But God can.
That has proven true in my case. Everything I tried never worked (or at least, never worked very long). It wasn't until I reached a point where I basically told God "I'm done. I can't do this. I know I helped get myself in this mess, but...You fix it."
I'll be honest here - when I asked God to fix it, I had a whole list of things that I thought needed fixing, and 99% of them weren't my issues. God's list didn't match mine though :)
The breakthrough came suddenly on a Saturday in early December of last year. I realized that the anger and bitterness I'd been holding onto, mostly directed at one person, was gone. I could look at that person and feel a deeper love for them than I had in, at the least, a very long time. God had, in what seemed to be an instant, lifted the chains binding me...something I had not been able to do on my own.
I am not anger-free, and never will be, but I'm in a much better place than I was. That day when I realized the bitterness was gone, the anger was gone, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Like I could finally see for the first time in a very long time.
And part of what I saw was heart-wrenching. As Okie Preacher wrote, you'll drive people away with anger. You'll also do incredible damage to them. The person I had held bitterness against for so long does not trust my changes (I have "changed" before), and may never again trust me...or love me.
The two children that God entrusted to me now have to deal with an all too common situation in this country. They are in a situation not of their choosing, not of their making, and not of their fault.
My daughter has a temper to rival mine (and mine rivals my mother's, hence my reference to generational curses). She also does not understand what is going on right now, only that she doesn't like it, and unfortunately I set a poor example for her in the past in how to handle anger. She still asks me if I'm mad at her when she does something that is totally an accident.
I may have inherited my anger from my mother, but it is not her fault I chose to be an angry person.
I will do my best to not pass this on to my daughter. To undo, as much as I can, with God's help, the damage I have done.
Anger, sinful anger, is a terrible thing to behold. Nothing good comes of it - it eats at the person who is angry, it eats at the people around him. It destroys the very core of people.
"Do not sin in your anger" is an often over-looked phrase. My own personal pride prevented me from seeing how I was sinning, until my pastor gently but firmly pointed it out to me.
All the self-help books, all the courses, all the training in the world will not help, IMO, until you surrender to Jesus. Without Christ, you're simply trying to do it on your own. Let Him change your spots.
bentwingedbird: You are on the right road. It is the Holy Spirit alone who is able to change us, as we submit ourselves to His will. I too still struggle, but thank God I am not what I once was.
My mother was a angry person, and I learned to respond in anger from her; alas, though, I chose to react that way. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the cycle of behavior can be broken.
4 comments:
A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterady. You've written some great stuff.
Like many, anger was a controlling factor in my life until just recently (not that I'm "cured" by any means, butI've made more progress in the last 4 months than in the last 4 years).
For me, anger is a generational curse, and it has damaged my marriage to the point it teeters on the brink of destruction.
Lots more to say, but need to get back to work for now.
In your first post, you mentioned unforgiveness as one of the root causes of anger. That was true in my case.
I had anger problems before, to the point that my family walked on eggshells, never knowing what little, seemingly innocent thing would set me off next. Things got worse and worse, then events transpired about 2 years ago that finally began to wake me up to the problem I had with anger, and the damage it had done to my family.
Unfortunately, the events that woke me up also served to anger me, and it festered and grew into unforgiveness and bitterness.
A counselor once told my wife and I, in regards to my anger, that a leopard cannot change his spots. But God can.
That has proven true in my case. Everything I tried never worked (or at least, never worked very long). It wasn't until I reached a point where I basically told God "I'm done. I can't do this. I know I helped get myself in this mess, but...You fix it."
I'll be honest here - when I asked God to fix it, I had a whole list of things that I thought needed fixing, and 99% of them weren't my issues. God's list didn't match mine though :)
The breakthrough came suddenly on a Saturday in early December of last year. I realized that the anger and bitterness I'd been holding onto, mostly directed at one person, was gone. I could look at that person and feel a deeper love for them than I had in, at the least, a very long time. God had, in what seemed to be an instant, lifted the chains binding me...something I had not been able to do on my own.
I am not anger-free, and never will be, but I'm in a much better place than I was. That day when I realized the bitterness was gone, the anger was gone, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Like I could finally see for the first time in a very long time.
And part of what I saw was heart-wrenching. As Okie Preacher wrote, you'll drive people away with anger. You'll also do incredible damage to them. The person I had held bitterness against for so long does not trust my changes (I have "changed" before), and may never again trust me...or love me.
The two children that God entrusted to me now have to deal with an all too common situation in this country. They are in a situation not of their choosing, not of their making, and not of their fault.
My daughter has a temper to rival mine (and mine rivals my mother's, hence my reference to generational curses). She also does not understand what is going on right now, only that she doesn't like it, and unfortunately I set a poor example for her in the past in how to handle anger. She still asks me if I'm mad at her when she does something that is totally an accident.
I may have inherited my anger from my mother, but it is not her fault I chose to be an angry person.
I will do my best to not pass this on to my daughter. To undo, as much as I can, with God's help, the damage I have done.
Anger, sinful anger, is a terrible thing to behold. Nothing good comes of it - it eats at the person who is angry, it eats at the people around him. It destroys the very core of people.
"Do not sin in your anger" is an often over-looked phrase. My own personal pride prevented me from seeing how I was sinning, until my pastor gently but firmly pointed it out to me.
All the self-help books, all the courses, all the training in the world will not help, IMO, until you surrender to Jesus. Without Christ, you're simply trying to do it on your own. Let Him change your spots.
Okie Preacher
Please pray for me today, it is a very hard day as far as depression goes you can see details on my blog.
bentwingedbird: You are on the right road. It is the Holy Spirit alone who is able to change us, as we submit ourselves to His will. I too still struggle, but thank God I am not what I once was.
My mother was a angry person, and I learned to respond in anger from her; alas, though, I chose to react that way. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the cycle of behavior can be broken.
Thanks for stopping by...
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