Let’s Put the “X” in Everything!

Let’s do it right. I mean, if we are going to start “x”ing everything lets don’t stop with Christmas.

New Year’s Day should be X-day (after all we don’t want to offend those who are offended by the “New Year”).

Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday should be X-Luther King, Jr. (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by the name “Martin”).

St. Valentine’s Day should be X-Valentine’s day (God forbid we should offend those who are offended by the religious term “Saint”).

Ash Wednesday should be X-Wednesday (the whole “Ash” thing and all).

St. Patrick’s Day should be X-Patrick’s Day (see St. Valentine’s day above).

Passover should be X-Over (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by “pass or fail”).

Good Friday should be X-Friday (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by our favoring this particular Friday over other Fridays’- after, what are all the other Fridays to think?).

Easter should be X-ter (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by Eas).

Mother’s Day should be X-ther’s Day (we don’t want to offend those out there whose name doesn’t start with Mo).

Memorial Day should be X-Day (after all most Americans have forgotten what the day means anyway).

Father’s Day should be X-ther’s day (same reason as X-ther’s Day, but substitute “F” for “M”. Now altogether, “Arnold, Arnold bo barnald, bananna fanna fo farnald, me my mo marnald, Arnold).

Independence Day should be X-dependence Day (since we don’t want to offend anyone who is offended by the word “In”).

Labor Day should be X-or Day (since all we do is sit around all day anyway – what’s up with labor anyway?).

Rosh Hashanna should be X Hashanna (since most Americans are not Jewish and have no idea what this holiday is after all).

Yom Kippur should be X-Kippur (see X-Hashanna).

Columbus Day should be X-umbus day (since revisionist history is teaching the he really was a bad guy and not the good guy we thought he was for over 300 years).

Election Day should be X-election day (we should eliminate this day altogether; just look what we got this year – I rest my case).

Veterans Day should be X-erans Day (since we don’t want to offend those who are offended by our veterans of Foreign wars, who fought and died bravely for our freedoms which those who are offended have the right to vocalize their offense because of their sacrifice – better quit before I “offend” someone).

Thanksgiving should be X-giving (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by the giving of “thanks”).

Hanukkah should be X-ukkah (since we don’t want to offend those who are offended by those who are named “Han”).

Christmas should be…well you know since this is the big one that started it all (after all we wouldn’t want anyone to be offended by Christ, the Saviour of the world, who gave Himself a sacrifice for all, including those who offended Him by their rebellion and rejection of His sacrifice for their sins).

Jesus Christ should be replaced with “X X” as in, “X X, why doesn’t this thing work?”

God Dammit should be replaced with X-Dammit (we don’t want to offend those who are offended by the “G” word – so we will also need to stop saying, “What’s up g?” because some might confuse “g” for “G”).


Well, there you have it, my contribution to the use of “X” to replace all things offensive. You’ve got to admit, it’s no stupider than replacing the “Christ” of “Christmas” with “X” now is it?